This question may lead you to revealing too much about your age to us, but have you seen the educational documentary Pushpak? It is very relevant to modern times. Kamal Haasan had predicted and demonstrated identity theft much before the age of the Aadhaar Scam made it easier. But that is not the subject of today’s moral dilemma. In that documentary, Kamal Haasan demonstrates how a person needs the surroundings he is used to, in order to feel comfortable. It has since been a matter of much research. Perhaps the most well known demonstration of it has been the renowned researcher Narendra Modi, who had made news a few years ago with his pathbreaking commentary about research on puppies.
Narendra Modi aimed to demonstrate the theory first proposed by Kamal Haasan – that people need an environment they are used to, even if their new environment is superior to their previous one. Kamal Haasan recorded the noise of his home in the slums in order to play back while he lived in the lavish, but silent comfort of a five star hotel. Narendra Modi chose a more modern method. Unused and uncomfortable with the constant polite language and political correctness of the world class laboratory he moved to after his research on puppies was a grand commercial success, he ensured that he had access to the language he was familiar with.
This is no mean task. High security laboratories don’t exactly allow scum to waltz in, so Modi-ji found a novel way of being true to his roots as a humble chaiwala when the charcha that went with the chai was missing. He followed them on Twitter. Life became bearable. Whenever the oppressing polite company he was surrounded with started suffocating him, he used to sneak glances at his phone to feel better. His friends, knowing how much he needed that touch with his roots, made sure to keep him well supplied.
Many days passed. Modi-ji was well on track on another major project. It was another complicated experiment that tested his personal strength against that of more than a billion people – he had to singlehandedly bring a train pushed by over a billion people to a grinding halt. Being a humble man, he shunned elite professional forums and media and chose to let his loyal friends do the talking for him. Everything was perfect.
But every story has a villain. In this case, there were several. Congressis, commies, aaptards, libtards, sickulars, presstitutes, puppies, and more puppies all got jealous. One day, when patriotic warriors did the vadh of a journalist, they all gatecrashed the celebration saying that Modi had better respond in the elite ways of professional forums or media. They had no appreciation for techonological developments. Unlike Pushpak, it wasn’t just a knife melting, there were four killers who melted into nothing after the task was complete. No appreciation for progress, we tell you. Much like the parents of Kamal Haasan’s crush in another film, they attempted to separate true lovers. You must agree that this is an evil thing to do.
True dweshbhakts everywhere are scandalized. Our reporter interviewed several of them. Upright, decent folks, these.
“What do you mean by separating true love? Modi-ji has followed people who speak politely as a favor to you. Why do you grudge him his friendships?”
Another one said that there was nothing wrong in celebrating the murder of a journalist. “Her name was Patrick, dude. She was a missionary. If they hadn’t killed her, she would have converted my whole family.”
Our reporter pointed out that she likely wasn’t important enough to be a missionary conspiracy and called her newspaper by its Kannad word Patrike just to fool people into thinking her name was Patrick.
“You are right,” a third replied. “She sure must not be too important if she gave us a one star review on Ebay. But then her name was Lankesh, you know? She was probably an alibi for Ravan. It is mandatory to kill Ravan in Ram Rajya.”
The whole group nodded sagely. All of them tweeted this to make sure everyone was on the same page.
But there was a problem. What if the investors came to know all this fake propaganda by the Congressis, commies, aaptards, libtards, sickulars, presstitutes, puppies and more puppies? The laboratory needs funds, no? What to do? Separation would totally leave everybody heartbroken. In a world of out of sight and out of mind, how could true lovers unfollow on Twitter? Follow heart or wallet?
In the meanwhile, the Congressis, commies, aaptards, libtards, sickulars, presstitutes, puppies and more puppies started blocking our star researcher on Twitter. They made a cruel hashtag #BlockNarendraModi
“Outrage!” screamed the leading dweshbhakt.
“Does this mean we will have our beloved researcher to ourselves?” dimwit got rapidly nudged to silence.
“Nobody cares if they unfollow.”
“Yeah, we don’t care at all”
“Is it allowed to block a researcher’s account?”
“Of course not, but they are all criminals. Naxals. They just proved it.”
“But… how can Congressis be Naxals? Didn’t they slaughter them?” our reporter ventured. They didn’t hear him. Which is good. Congressis have double standards only. He wouldn’t understand. He’s new.
“Nobody is reading their stupid hashtag.”
“Modi’s followers will only increase. Just a matter of making more bots”
“You know, they really need to know that we don’t care. At all”
All the dweshbhakts looked at each other as realization dawned.
“We all, each of us need to go there and trend their tag and each of us tell each of them that we don’t care about their stupid tag.” lead dweshbhakt concluded. By now the tag had been trending for hours, not that anyone noticed.
“True. It is our duty as true representatives of science and knowledge.” said second-in-command. “each of us must tell each of them that Modi’s followers are going to increase and update them every time they increase also. They should know we don’t care what they think. We need to tell them till they understand that we don’t care.”
The group stood to attention. At an invisible signal, they all pulled out their phones and vanished into thin air.
It has been a day. The tag is still trending. Our reporter is waiting for them to return so that he can complete their interviews.