Guest post by Ali Husseini.
It was early morning 4 AM on 1st April 2015. It was just another day in the life of Namo Bhakt “NaMo Sameer”, who woke up to the siren from “Namo Temple” that gave a call for “Namo Yoga”. Since the time Namo, the god of Namo bhakts, became the Supreme Commander of India, he had made it mandatory for everyone in the country to attend “Namo Yoga” programme of Yogi Baba Namodev early morning at 4.30 AM sharp. Namo Sameer woke up rubbing his eyes and cleaned his teeth using the “Namo Tooth powder”. He washed his face with “Namo Sandal Powder”, wore his saffron yoga pants and rushed to TV. The yoga primarily involved moving your hands in all the directions as if you are trying catch a mosquito and chant “Namo-mantra”. Sameer learnt all this with great difficulty or else he would have to face the encounter specialists from Gujarat.
Ministry of Snooping headed by Amit Shah had installed cameras in every part of every house to ensure that people use only Namo Products sold exclusively through Namo Super Markets. All these products were manufactured and imported from the country of Gujarat from where Namo started his violent and bloodthirsty political career. All the other ministries were controled by Supreme Commander Namo.
Sameer never liked somone snooping into his bedroom and bathroom. His parents, wife and kids always complained about lack of privacy. But the constitution of Namo Bharat made it mandatory for every citizen to have cameras installed in their houses. There were few privileged Namo bhakts who had exclusive rights to snoop into any citizen’s life and release the recordings as movies in Namo Theatres from time to time. There was a huge demand for snoop-movies of Bollywood Actors and Actresses, who were now jobless wanderers, thanks to the crackdown by Namo army that crushed everything including the Bollywood that was considered to be against the culture of the country. Occassionally few blockbuster movies from prison cells of Tihar were released to show how Congress and other party leaders were being reformed on a daily basis through Namo shocks and Namo treatmemt. There were few leaders like Rahul Gandhi, who were sent to solitary confinement. The cells of such leaders had Namo posters all over the wall and an LCD tv to show Namo’s Modi-fied history speeches where Namo moved his hands in a peculiar manner regularly and gave factually incorrect history. Rahul Gandhi was still wondering how he landed up in this cell where everything was Modi-fied and appeared fake.
There was no newspaper except ‘Namo Today’ that was available only on Namo App. All the other news papers and media houses were shutdown immediately after Namo became the Supreme Commander of the country. There was only one TV channel, Namo channel, that aired everything. In a massive crackdown on satellite channels, all the channels were shutdown by Amit Shah and all their satellites were confiscated by ministry of Snooping and were now being used to monitor the indoor snooping. Namo Sameer missed all the faces he used to see on Main Stream Media channels and Bollywood Movies. Arnab was in Tihar and same was the case with Rajdeep, Barkha, Sagarika and many other popular faces of erstwhile Main Stream Media. Occassionally these faces used to appear in the snoop videos of Tihar. His wife always cribbed about how she missed the soap operas of pre-Nomoonization of the country. His kids yearned to see cartoons again. They were tired of watching the same face of God Namo all the time who appeared in every program. Initially, the kids enjoyed the lies and fake stories, peculiar hand movements, the pauses and appeals for a response from audience etc for few days. But now they were bored and they wanted something more entertaining. But, the fear of being caught by Ministry of Snooping made them silent. They never dared to criticise the TV programs as it was a punishable crime to criticise god Namo, the maximum punishment being an early morning walk from which you never return home.
Once Namo Sameer was done with Namo-Yoga, he took Namo-shower (one thinks of God Namo and chants his name while taking shower), wore his saffron formals and drove his saffron car to work. He dropped his kids at Namo-Vidyalaya and then drove off to his office. All the schools and text books in the country were namoonized and taught a new version of all the subjects. The students were taught through a remote TV where god Namo taught all the subjects. There were no other teachers in the school. All the companies in the country were Namoonized and were nationalized. They were now controlled by the supreme CEO, god Namo.
Namo Sameer entered his office premises. Attended the mass Namo-prayers on the production floor and started his work. His cubicle had a camera installed that monitored his every action. He missed all the days of fun where he used to flirt with his female colleagues and crack jokes with male colleagues. Flirting was a crime now, punishable by encounter, thanks to the Namoonization of Constitution and laws.
Namo-Sameer finished his work, picked up his kids from the school and drove back home. Citizens were not allowed to go anywhere after office hours. All the centers of recreation were shutdown and were converted into Namo-museums. These museums had wax statues depicting various phases of god Namo’s life. The most famous one was the one where he was a chai-wala at the first Namo Tea Stall.
Back home, he helped his kids with their homework and watched Namo-News for sometime. He was eagerly waiting for the daily prime-time show of Namo where criminals were tried and given punishment by god Namo. Since all the judges were either jailed or exiled, all the criminal cases were tried in Namo-Court and god Namo was the Supreme Judge. The trials were the most hilarious one as every criminal tried to out-lie god Namo. Sometimes Namo-Sameer wondered how god Namo managed so many things. But then, he cannot question god Namo as it was a crime punishable by death. He shuddered the thought of going for an early morning walk and never returning homes. There were horror stories of people who criticized god Namo and disappeared after morning walk.
Namo-Sameer finally attended the last prayer of the day remotely monitored by Amit Shah and went to his bed.
He woke up to the alarm and realized that all this while he was dreaming about Namoonization of the country. He hugged his wife and kids and shouted like a madman. He recalled his dream for a moment, felt goosebumps and decided not to vote for Namo in the coming elections. And he happily lived ever after.